i hate to admit it but i think im depressed.

I have been feeling suicidal for about a year now but I doubt I’m ever going to do anything really drastic because I am too much of a coward to do that.

I just want people who have teenage kids that they really need to talk to their kids because 99% of the time, they know shit about their kids.
All I am asking is to just talk to them before it’s too late.

Take my Mom, for example. She has no idea that I’m depressed, that I cry myself to sleep every night, that I think about death every hour of every day, that I have this huge anger/hatred toward the world, etc. She knows nothing. I want to run away but I’m afraid of where I’ll end up. I’m just so sick of school, and the people in it, and everything surrounding it. I’m just not good at school and I hate feeling constantly judged by people who are smart.

Ah, I’m getting off the topic. So many kids are depressed and most people don’t even know about it. I think about my funeral a lot. I see myself in a black dress, with blue flowers everywhere. My Chemical Romance is playing in the backround. There’s a little board of pictures on the side and a little discription of my uneventful life.

My mom used to say that my dreams are realities because I used to dream of what would happen. I’d dream of a death, or I would have something happen in my dream and it would happen to either me or someone else. In my dream, I am a teen. Will this be my future in the near future? Or someone elses? Or could it just be a dream? I do not know, though I wish I knew.

Drugs

This is an entry from the book Go Ask Alice: (highly recommended book)

THIS MIGHT BE LONG BUT READ IT, ITS WORTH IT. (This is only part of the journal entry)

“July 10,

Dear Diary,

I don’t know whether I should be ashamed or elated. I only know that last night I had the most incredible experience of my life. It sounds morbid when I put it in words, but actually it was trememdous and wonderful and miraculous.

(She goes to her friend Jill’s and introduce her to drugs.)

My whole body was tense at every muscle and a feeling of weird apprehension swept over me, strangled me, suffocated me. When I opened my eyes, I realized that it was just Bill who had put his arm around my shoulder. Suddenly he seemed to be repeating himself over and ober like a slow-motioned echo chamber. I started laughing, wildly, hysterically. It struck me as the funniest, most absurd thing I had ever heard. Then I noticed the strange shifting patterns on the ceiling. I watched the patterns change to swirling colors, great fields of reds, blues, and yellows. I tried to share the beauty with others but my words came out soggy, wet, and dripping or tasting of color. I pulled myself up and began walking, trembling, feeling a slight chill which crept inside as well as outside my body…”

Later on, she talks about magazines that she sees in 100 dimensions, floating, and dancing before everyone. It goes on for 5 pages discussing her first experience with drugs. THIS is what could be happening to your teenagers. From as young as 11, experience with drugs. In fact, a girl in my middle school came to school high one day.

I am not showing this to encourage teenagers to do drugs, but to read the experience of the anonymous girl named “alice” and her struggles while becoming an addict. I also recommend this book to parents so you know what COULD HAPPEN and what HAS HAPPENED.
This is what they do, and you have to find some way to stop it.

————–Rest in Peace: Anonymous, writer of Go Ask Alice————

Intro: What is a teen? (For Parents)

Well, most of you probably have one or at least know one. Maybe you even ARE one. But as generations expand, we change our views. Sure our parents say “I was once a teen, you know. I KNOW how you feel! Want to know the truth?

YOU DON’T.

When you were a teen, were you afraid to walk in front of your house?

When you were a teen, were you asked to take drugs/alcohol?

Probably not. In my case, my parents have not.

My parents always seem to think that THEY have it bad and this is the best years of our life and enjoy it, but how can we? We dont know what it’s like to be YOU. We havent been there yet so we think that this is as bad as it gets. Well, at least for some people.

One day, my mom asked me, “Are you ever depressed?”As much as I wanted to say “almost every day” I couldn’t because this is my mom I was talking about. So I told her what she wanted to hear, “NO.”

I wonder why she asked me that. Did she finally understand what I am going through? I have been harrased twice so far this year (its only Jan 9) and I have been under the pressure of being “cool” and being high and drinking. No, I have not done either of these things, since my parents have taught me what is good and what is bad, but what about the other kids in the world?

NOTE TO PARENTS: Talk to kids about depression, sex *especially sex*, drugs, alcohol, etc. to your kids/teens!!!

In the news… Just recently a girl killed herself (13 years old) due to myspace (a topic I will discuss later). To learn more, go to this link here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21844203/

——————-Rest in Peace: Megan Meier——————–

Teens, as you see it

I’m a teen. This is how I see life-the way it is.

Look at my other posts to see more information on what I talk about.

I will talk about things teen-related such as sex, drugs, alcohol, myspace, and maybe even ADULTISH things such as politics, in the news etc. Of course, it will be the teen-version so brace yourselves.

You will now be opened to life that your teens never want you to see.

Or maybe your a teen, too. Listen (to all teens out there) , I feel your pain!

If you ever want to talk, message me.

Goes for you too, adults. =]